Blog

Express Yourself……. Come on now Express Yourself art decorating general manifesto repurposing

Hello friends! Another week goes by and despite the stress of my life; there were some really funny moments. These are the best things from my week:

At a local senior center, I lead a Friday discussion group with early stage Alzheimer’s patients. I asked the group, “What is something that you should never lie about? One lady said, “Your shoe size.” Another lady said, “Why are we talking about suicide?” This reminds me of the joke where three seniors go out for a stroll. The first one says, “It’s windy. Another one replies, “No, it’s Thursday.” The last one says, “Me too. Let’s get a drink.”

At another place I hear an older lady say to friends, “I finally picked out the photo of myself I want to have on display at my funeral. My daughter said I was too much of a bitch then. She has only liked me for the last few years so she suggests a more recent photo.” This is a true story!

At an uber cool Oakland diner, a tall drink of hot chocolate introduces himself by saying, “My name is Greg, Gregory or Big Daddy.” (Did he really say that? Uh huh!) My friend responds with, “I am an overly educated black woman.” I tell her no, no! You are an HIGHLY educated black woman! Big difference! Her name has been withheld to protect the slightly inebriated and innocent.

Another laughable moment is my dinner with my retired bachelor neighbor. I will call him Mr. Delusional as he is crazy with a capital C. I am not making fun of him—just the situation. Mr. D. has invited me for dinner every week since I moved in 2 months ago and because my mother raised me right, I agreed to go. (maybe I am the crazy one here?) I made sure my son was within ear shot in case Mr. D. decided to make a pass or cut me up for the freezer. The highlight? Watching a 68 year old legally blind man playing air guitar to the Moody Blues telling me it was him in the video. I ended up leaving two hours later with half a bottle of wine and raw salmon. He never got around to cooking so he sent dinner home with me to make myself! Mom tells me it is OK to stay away from Mr. D now and I wholeheartedly agree!

Always do what your Mother tells you to do.

Last night I came downstairs feeling quite sexy in a black jumpsuit and statement earrings when my son tells me that I remind him of Cruella Deville. I said first of all, “She is not a real person and second of all, what part of me says “puppy killer?” (Cruella is the villain in Disney’s 101 Dalmatians) He claims the resemblance stems from my sassy hair style and not my sassy outfit.

I have white blond highlights around my face which may be more reminiscent of a halo or wreath of laurel. Just kidding! This isn’t the first guy to say this and he also meant it as a compliment. Let me set the record straight. Her…… Me…. No #%&% resemblance.

By the way, I was headed out all to a...

Join Our Free Trial