Picking up the Pieces

#brokenpeople #codependentrelationships #mygirlfriendvoice #comingtotherescue #theblamegame advice & strategies fixer upper relationships fracles no blame games relationships & communication renovators & rescuers

Picking up the Pieces

The dictionary says a fracture is the separation of an object into pieces under stress. A fracture reduces strength and inhibits the transmission of light.

We are all fractured by traumatic events, especially the events of our childhood. As much as we wish them away or deny they exist, they shape how we communicate; they influence the people we associate with and ultimately shape our self-image. We can’t escape the impact of a fracture.

Not all fractured people or “FRACLES” as I have termed them, are poisonous monsters. The Fracle spectrum ranges from quirky (just a few buttons you don’t want to push) all the way to the “No Go Narcissist” (you should be amazed they even have time to talk to your lowly self). Here is the dangerous correlation. The more fractured or Fracled, the stronger the pull may be to get involved. WARNING: stay in your own lane, Girlfriend! Follow me? Danger– you are not the fixer upper fairy!

One of the best descriptions I have seen of FRACLES and the people who love them appears on Natalie’s website http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk. She talks about how we can be Renovators (partner needs a makeover and a little fixing up) or Florence Nightingales (partner needs healing, helping and your love cures all).

She quotes in a recent post, “Unfortunately, believing that you have superhuman powers is what has you repeatedly returning to the same relationship crime scene, going out with the same guy in a different package, and taking on fixer-upper projects that leave you hungry and hurt.”

I don’t think I realized how enticing the allure of a fixer upper relationship was in my early twenties. Even in my thirties I wasn’t looking inward and satisfying my own needs. It wasn’t until my fabulous forties that I started to see the imbalance. As I focused on my needs and identified my values, I created space and this space facilitated healthier decision making. I am able to let go (work in progress!) without resentment and anger because through these experiences, I have become a better person. Thank you, Fracles!

This sounds like very black and white thinking but let me point out the difference between fractured individuals and FRACLES. A Fracle doesn’t recognize their blueprint is damaged and therefore cannot take corrective action. Fracles like to blame, judge and manipulate others because it is the only they to operate. You are the problem– not them!

I am fractured and I own it. I shine my diffracted light to create a kaleidoscope of pattern and color. I welcome it. I own it.

Let it be known on this twenty fourth day of October, I proclaim that I will no longer befriend someone for “something to do or someone to save”.

Let’s be clear, I am not looking for perfection (perfect = boring/annoying) in my friends. I am still very compassionate and empathetic BUT I am looking to share time with like-minded people who look inward as much or more as they look outward. We fix ourselves, period. No blame games.

I have plenty of my own limitations, triggers and traps to keep me busy for a long time! You handle your stuff and I will handle mine.

Do you find yourself in the Renovator trap? Florence Nightingale trap? Tell me more…… please!

From the heart,

Cara

Picking up the Pieces

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