Now or Later? The Choice is Yours

advice & strategies choices feelings friendship relationships relationships & communication triggers & the inner critic

There are times when the voices in my head can be really helpful! Recently I had a little situation where I decided to consult my inner wisdom or what I like to call, “My Girlfriend Voice or MGV for short” for a little advice.

Last Sunday, a friend hurt my feelings. There was no doubt that I was hurt but I couldn’t decide if I should I put a little space in between us or try to address the situation while the feelings were still fresh.

ME: My gut tells me to talk to my friend but I am worried that I may make the situation worse because my emotions may cloud my objectivity. I made a vow to myself to keep all of my relationships healthy so I feel the need to speak up. It’s confusing!

MGV: I am giving you the green light to talk now. Talk from the heart. Remember to use “I statements” and focus on how you feel. Breathe and make eye contact.

ME: (OK, here I go!) To my friend: “Tonight I was upset. When you did “X”, it made me feel “Y”. I know it is not your intention to hurt my feelings but I felt it was important to let you know while it was still fresh in our minds.”

You: “Silence………”

ME: A yellow flag is flashing in my brain. Does your silence mean you didn’t hear me? Please, we are sitting eighteen inches apart. I pause. Ok, I’ll keep this simple and focused. I wonder if I should I reiterate what I just said?

MGV: AHEM. Slow down and proceed with caution. You may feel a little defensive and repeating yourself is not only unnecessary, it is really annoying. Relax. You have opened a dialogue. Sit tight. Take a breath. Stop pursing your lips.

You: “Oh”.

ME: I don’t say this out loud but I don’t play poker for a good reason! OH? Did you just say OH? WTF? I was brilliantly articulate while emotionally charged. Sometimes it is not easy being me!!!

MGV: HOLY SMOKES. Take a breath. While your heart rate accelerates, you may lose sight of the importance of this moment. You have two choices:

You can respond in a kind, compassionate manner. The past cannot be erased but perhaps you will help shape future behavior?
You can react and do what you have countless times before, you can ARGULATE. (One of my favorite sources for information, Urban Dictionary, defines argulate as to argumentatively provide a hard-headed and ignorant fool the wisdom of your point of view; that which is undoubtedly right in every which way.)

ME: RESPOND OR REACT? Sounds familiar! I do try to follow my own advice but sometimes it is easier to do as I say and not as I do.

I turn to YOU and say lovingly, “Thank you.” I not only say it, I mean it. Thank you.

MGV: Nicely done. You left the need to be right or to be validated behind. You stayed present. I am proud of you.

ME: Thank you. This feels good. Really, really good.

MGV: Yes, it does. You have everything you need if you trust your inner wisdom. Trust yourself. By the way, you had a good hair day today too. You’re rockin the curls!

ME: Really? I mean, thank you. I know!

Have you consulted your inner voice? Do you wish you had? I’d love to hear more…..

From the heart,

Cara

Photo of “yours truly” by Blue One Photo.

Now or Later? The Choice is Yours

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