A is for…. Parenting!

A is forTonight I came home from the gym at 8pm to find my son and five of his friends watching TV and doing homework.  Here is the positive:  I like these kids and I am happy that they are comfortable in my home.  Now that they are no longer using Axe Body Spray, they also smell pretty good.  The negative:  Mommy hit happy hour before Zumba class so she is a little cranky and WOULD LIKE SOME QUIET TIME PLEASE!

I can’t help but reflect on how parenting is so much different than I thought it would be.  Let me share my thoughts with you. Continue reading

A Haunting Question

The Christmas holiday in my little Zen Den was simply wonderful. I hope that you too enjoyed a lovely December celebration whether it was alone or with family and friends.

There are many things that could (and did!) stress me out over the holidays. See my blog entry called “Christmas Crisis” if you are curious. However this year I experienced a new pressure. I felt the pressure to “be in a relationship” or at least have a date every time I attended a holiday party.

Why does it really matter? Continue reading

Now or Later? The Choice is Yours

There are times when the voices in your head can be really helpful!  Recently I had a little situation where I decided to consult my inner wisdom or what I like to call, “My Girlfriend Voice or MGV for short” for a little advice.

Last Sunday, a friend hurt my feelings.  There was no doubt that I was hurt but I couldn’t decide if I should I put a little space in between us or try to address the situation while the feelings were still fresh. Continue reading

FUN— It’s Elementary!

This week I’ve been struggling to find the right words.  My mind is a flurry of activity yet I don’t feel  the usual melody in my story.

Boom, it is 1am and the lights go on in my brain. 

This topic is complex but when I drill down to the absolute core of what is important, it’s really rather simple. I’ll forego the need for a flowery explanation and witty prose and share with you the facts.  Just the facts, Ma’am, just the facts.

So what is my mystery topic? RELATIONSHIPS.  I am talking about my blueprint for healthy relationships; the relationships between friends, family and lovers.

There are times when a relationship requires WORK.  Not effort, but work.  I am not talking about hitting a rough patch or feeling distant but rather you feel like you are running up hill, walking on egg shells or giving more than you receive. RED FLAG but I’ll continue this thought later.

So now that I have reached the divine and wise (ass) age of 50, what say I is the key?  What is necessary in order to experience a mutually satisfying relationship?  To help you remember, I’ve created a simple mnemonic; FUN!

The (F) FOUNDATION:

  1. I must understand who I am.
  2. I must love the person I am.
  3. I must be responsible for my actions, toward myself and others.

The (U) UNDERSTANDING:

  1. You enhance my life BUT I don’t need you to feel complete.
  2. We communicate honestly and respectfully, regardless of the subject matter.
  3. Our relationship is a priority NOT a contingency or a convenience.

The (N) NON-NEGOTIABLES:

  1. We each believe we are capable of loving another person and we deserve to be loved ourselves.
  2. We each own our own #$#@%.  No blame or excuses!
  3. We explicitly agree that I am responsible for MY life and you for YOUR life.
  4. We relinquish the need to control what is out of our power and place to manage.
  5. We chose to live with an open and generous heart.

Back to that RED FLAG warning…. The first thing to examine is your role in the relationship. Are you grounded and open?  Realistic? This step is so often overlooked as blame, anger, resentment and other powerful emotions fuel unproductive exchanges.

Look in the mirror.  You are the first step.

If it still isn’t working, you have a decision to make.

FUN = My personal blueprint.  What’s your blueprint?

From the heart,

Caraw

©2012MyGirlfriendVoice

(Graphic courtesy of sodahead.com)

Today is Your Only Guarantee

I was reminded this week of the way life moves at a pace all its own whether you are ready for it or not. One of my favorite people in my Friday reading group was absent for the last two weeks.  I asked if he was on vacation but was told that because his disease had progressed so rapidly in the last month, he was moved to an assisted living facility.  This day program is designed for those still able to live at home so I wouldn’t have the pleasure of Irv’s company any longer.   My heart was heavy because this man had provided me with so many humorous anecdotes and stories of his life.  I told him we would sit down and record of his memories once I purchased a decent recorder.   I didn’t move fast enough…..

Today is your only guarantee.  Continue reading