Now or Later? The Choice is Yours

There are times when the voices in your head can be really helpful!  Recently I had a little situation where I decided to consult my inner wisdom or what I like to call, “My Girlfriend Voice or MGV for short” for a little advice.

Last Sunday, a friend hurt my feelings.  There was no doubt that I was hurt but I couldn’t decide if I should I put a little space in between us or try to address the situation while the feelings were still fresh. Continue reading

FUN— It’s Elementary!

This week I’ve been struggling to find the right words.  My mind is a flurry of activity yet I don’t feel  the usual melody in my story.

Boom, it is 1am and the lights go on in my brain. 

This topic is complex but when I drill down to the absolute core of what is important, it’s really rather simple. I’ll forego the need for a flowery explanation and witty prose and share with you the facts.  Just the facts, Ma’am, just the facts.

So what is my mystery topic? RELATIONSHIPS.  I am talking about my blueprint for healthy relationships; the relationships between friends, family and lovers.

There are times when a relationship requires WORK.  Not effort, but work.  I am not talking about hitting a rough patch or feeling distant but rather you feel like you are running up hill, walking on egg shells or giving more than you receive. RED FLAG but I’ll continue this thought later.

So now that I have reached the divine and wise (ass) age of 50, what say I is the key?  What is necessary in order to experience a mutually satisfying relationship?  To help you remember, I’ve created a simple mnemonic; FUN!

The (F) FOUNDATION:

  1. I must understand who I am.
  2. I must love the person I am.
  3. I must be responsible for my actions, toward myself and others.

The (U) UNDERSTANDING:

  1. You enhance my life BUT I don’t need you to feel complete.
  2. We communicate honestly and respectfully, regardless of the subject matter.
  3. Our relationship is a priority NOT a contingency or a convenience.

The (N) NON-NEGOTIABLES:

  1. We each believe we are capable of loving another person and we deserve to be loved ourselves.
  2. We each own our own #$#@%.  No blame or excuses!
  3. We explicitly agree that I am responsible for MY life and you for YOUR life.
  4. We relinquish the need to control what is out of our power and place to manage.
  5. We chose to live with an open and generous heart.

Back to that RED FLAG warning…. The first thing to examine is your role in the relationship. Are you grounded and open?  Realistic? This step is so often overlooked as blame, anger, resentment and other powerful emotions fuel unproductive exchanges.

Look in the mirror.  You are the first step.

If it still isn’t working, you have a decision to make.

FUN = My personal blueprint.  What’s your blueprint?

From the heart,

Caraw

©2012MyGirlfriendVoice

(Graphic courtesy of sodahead.com)

You Are Exactly Where You Need To Be

I am having a hard time understanding why bad things happen to good people.  A friend of mine, I’ll call her S., had cancer four years ago but luckily they caught it early and she survived.  At that time, she was in the middle of the adoption process.  Not only did she survive the rigors of surgery and chemotherapy, she was the happiest bald headed woman I ever met.  Her faith, family, friends and positive attitude prevailed over all doubt.

A few weeks ago S. told me that it was very likely that she had a different type of cancer, although discovered early, it is on her liver.  What really makes me furious with the Universe is that she just completed the adoption process for two little boys.  And if I could be any madder, had S. not challenged her doctor for further testing after a questionable lab result, the cancer would have progressed undetected.

So if we are exactly where we need to be, what could possibly be the benefit of battling yet another cancer?  Continue reading

If You Are Struggling….

For most of my adult life I did not want anyone to know that things weren’t rosy behind the white picket fence.  I thought if I admitted my struggle, it was a negative reflection on my character.  It meant I was weak, incompetent, lazy, and maybe even stupid.  Pretty harsh words, huh? 

I was acting a part.  I was the perfect wife, mother, friend and professional.  What I didn’t know was that if you play the same role for years, you begin to forget who you are.  You drift further and further away from your true self and become a character from your imaginary life; just going through the motions. Continue reading

Be Careful What You Wish For!

What a night!  Attending a dinner party on a school night seemed like such an illicit affair! Delicious food and even more delicious company!  We sat at the dining room table and used the good china! I wouldn’t have cared if we had been served frozen waffles on paper plates.  I am grateful for the opportunity to relax and enjoy each other’s company.

There was a spiritual kinship amongst the guests; five women who have reinvented themselves at least once if not twice in their lives.  Women who shine because they possess the fine quality of being authentic; comfortable in the skin they embody. Continue reading

Some Things Never Change!!!!

Some things don’t change and in this case, it’s a good thing!

My friend Simone and I were sifting through a box of old photos and memorabilia this weekend.  There in a wrinkled envelope, written on index cards, was a speech I wrote when I was eighteen years old.  Of course, Simone couldn’t resist a reading it through it.  Yes, reading it, in full character voice as well pointing out each one of my spelling errors!  (Spell check hadn’t been invented yet—dare I date myself?)

In the speech, I shared my wishes for my classmates, friends and family.  

to find a career filled with passion while leaving time to play and rest   (did you notice that CAREER was the first thing on the list? I was a product of the times—ready to take on a man’s world.)

to practice patience, especially during the most trying times (overrated; nothing more to say.  Next!)

-to understand the importance of a sense of humor (absolutely – how wonderful it is to laugh so hard you snort or squizzle)

and finally, friendships are the key to living a long healthy life (AMEN! Enough said)

I have a hard time connecting to the person I embodied at eighteen but it is pretty cool to see I was already inspiring people to find happiness and live with passion!   The words may have sounded foreign but they served as a compass for my life.  I still follow this compass but now I call it, “My Girlfriend Voice”. 

And by the way, this photo shows that some of my best times were in my robe and PJ’s.  Some things never change! (me at 18 in red bandana)

From the heart,

CaraW

©2012MyGirlfriendVoice