Just when I think I have evolved into a spiritual peace dwelling goddess, I hear something that really pisses me off. Damn, in a few seconds I am playing tug of war with my rational brain to stay engaged and objective while my emotional brain rages. My heart rate increases and I feel my lips pursing; the sure sign of, “you’ve got to be kidding me or more likely WTF, what did you just say?” I think you may be able to relate to my scenario.
A coworker, who is normally pleasant and quite helpful, forwards an email thread between she and myself over to my boss. She includes a condescending statement about my “need for development”. The email thread was regarding a policy that was new to me but not a new policy. I admitted that for whatever reason no one had ever explained the scenario to me so I asked a handful of clarifying questions. I want to be better equipped to set expectations with my future clients. There is nothing wrong with admitting you don’t know something, right?
My boss is the one who brings this situation to my attention. He responded to said coworker revealing that my correspondence demonstrated professionalism and my desire to continually develop my skills.
What gets me is why she would not speak to me directly if she had any concerns?
I hate wormy cowards.
It is so much easier to chose to let go of something or to address the matter directly! No measly grey area. No judgment. I respect people who speak the truth.
I asked myself if anything she said was in fact true? My rational and raging brain agreed. The answer was no. No truth there so I am not feeling threatened.
Was I worried about looking bad or sounding stupid? No. This is a sensitive trigger area but nothing was engaging there.
Am I really annoyed with my own behavior? Am I a coward when I need lead? No, that’s not it. I am not projecting.
I asked myself why I was bothered at all? Why did this invoke a classic Cara, “pursed lips and roll my eyes response”? I am OK that she has an opinion that varies from mine. I am perturbed with the secrecy of the method. If you see an opportunity for a “teaching moment”, why wouldn’t you address it directly? Ask if the other person is open to a discussion?
Two days later I am still annoyed and then it hits me. I am annoyed not because of what she said. I am annoyed because I want her to be more like me. I want her to be empowered. She is likely annoyed wanting me to be more like her. It’s an AHA moment!
I assume that we are all doing our best and that is no malicious intent (unless of course you are my “X”)! There is beauty in our diversity!! Our skills and strengths actually compliment one another if you remove the conflict.
A open, respectful, honest conversation + respect for our differences = a happier, productive relationship.
Now as a true Scorpio, it is hard for me NOT to plot my revenge. I have this little issue called “holding a grudge or you’re dead to me”, but I am telling you that I’m going to rise above— rise up to my peace loving spiritual goddess self. Disengage claws. Put claws away!
Annoyance is an opportunity for growth. I will model good behavior. The little worm can go safely back into her comfy dark hole. OK, that was mean. I am letting go of this irritation and looking for opportunities to improve our relationship. Really, I am!! Promise.
What annoys you? Yesterday I conducted “field research” by asking that question at my local winery. When people are tasting wine they are quite happy to talk about themselves! There was a common thread in the responses I heard:
- Pessimism. When you look for what’s wrong instead of seeing what’s right.
- Complaining without offering a potential solution.
- Rudeness. There is no excuse. Be kind, patient and please use your manners.
- Men. (Ha, ha. I only interviewed women!)
How do you handle office politics? Is it always wise to speak up?
I’d love to hear your insightful wisdom and experiences. Please comment!
From the heart,
The ladies who shared their thoughts on annoying behavior! #Building43Winery