Use Your “Outside” Voice — Question Everything!

While my posts focus on the “inner voice” and managing our critical chatter, today I want to focus on our “outside” voice or how we speak to the world.

In light of the events in Charlottesville, it is critically important to state that I do not support white supremacy or any of their beliefs. It sickens me that there are 917 identified and active hate groups in this country (Southern Poverty Law Center 2017). How is hate a driving force with thousands, actually millions of Americans?

I spent last week observing more than acting. Don’t get me wrong, I am livid. I am sickened, saddened, enraged, threatened and shocked. I felt a shift too.  I came to the conclusion that my angry vile words are not going to do anything but contribute to the problem. Let me explain…….

You lose your power and credibility when you spew hate.  Continue reading

I Hate Wormy Cowards!

Just when I think I have evolved into a spiritual peace dwelling goddess, I hear something that really pisses me off.  Damn, in a few seconds I am playing tug of war with my rational brain to stay engaged and objective while my emotional brain rages.  My heart rate increases and I feel my lips pursing; the sure sign of,  “you’ve got to be kidding me or more likely WTF, what did you just say?”  I think you may be able to relate to my scenario.   Continue reading

FUN— It’s Elementary!

This week I’ve been struggling to find the right words.  My mind is a flurry of activity yet I don’t feel  the usual melody in my story.

Boom, it is 1am and the lights go on in my brain. 

This topic is complex but when I drill down to the absolute core of what is important, it’s really rather simple. I’ll forego the need for a flowery explanation and witty prose and share with you the facts.  Just the facts, Ma’am, just the facts.

So what is my mystery topic? RELATIONSHIPS.  I am talking about my blueprint for healthy relationships; the relationships between friends, family and lovers.

There are times when a relationship requires WORK.  Not effort, but work.  I am not talking about hitting a rough patch or feeling distant but rather you feel like you are running up hill, walking on egg shells or giving more than you receive. RED FLAG but I’ll continue this thought later.

So now that I have reached the divine and wise (ass) age of 50, what say I is the key?  What is necessary in order to experience a mutually satisfying relationship?  To help you remember, I’ve created a simple mnemonic; FUN!

The (F) FOUNDATION:

  1. I must understand who I am.
  2. I must love the person I am.
  3. I must be responsible for my actions, toward myself and others.

The (U) UNDERSTANDING:

  1. You enhance my life BUT I don’t need you to feel complete.
  2. We communicate honestly and respectfully, regardless of the subject matter.
  3. Our relationship is a priority NOT a contingency or a convenience.

The (N) NON-NEGOTIABLES:

  1. We each believe we are capable of loving another person and we deserve to be loved ourselves.
  2. We each own our own #$#@%.  No blame or excuses!
  3. We explicitly agree that I am responsible for MY life and you for YOUR life.
  4. We relinquish the need to control what is out of our power and place to manage.
  5. We chose to live with an open and generous heart.

Back to that RED FLAG warning…. The first thing to examine is your role in the relationship. Are you grounded and open?  Realistic? This step is so often overlooked as blame, anger, resentment and other powerful emotions fuel unproductive exchanges.

Look in the mirror.  You are the first step.

If it still isn’t working, you have a decision to make.

FUN = My personal blueprint.  What’s your blueprint?

From the heart,

Caraw

©2012MyGirlfriendVoice

(Graphic courtesy of sodahead.com)

Having it All???? Yes and No.

I almost can’t decide what I want to write about today!  Maybe I will tell you how I had a giggle fit drinking champagne straight from the bottle at the movies on Saturday night with a girlfriend– it was a first!  Or there was the voice mail saying, “I am on my way to help a Mom with a drunk 13 year old.  What should I do??”  Well, let me tell you.  I have a little too much experience parenting teenagers – is this because I was such a good teenager that my kids paid me back quadruple fold with their “learnings”????

What a minute, I see a correlation …. My kids have driven me to drink!  Not only can I help you with your parenting, we can tip our glasses to the joys and wisdom of midlife! Continue reading

The Responsible One

The Responsible One

Responsibility is an interesting topic.  I am not sure I think much about the topic of “responsibility” until I experience someone avoiding their responsibility and I am impacted!! I proudly define myself as a responsible person.  I hear Mom’s telling their children, “It’s your responsibility”.  I hear bosses, teachers and doctors using the same phrase.

So I ask you, if you set aside the obvious (job and family), what ultimately is your responsibility?   

I think back to when I was a young.  My responsibility was to help out at home and listen to my teachers.  As I grew up, my responsibility was to continue with my education and secure a good job.  Over the next twenty years, I was responsible for taking care of my family.  As I approach another milestone birthday I have started wonder, what happened to the responsibility of taking care of me and my happiness?  Was I absent the day they taught introspection and self-care?  Continue reading