Get Me Off this Damn Thing!!!

img_0569The Emotional Roller Coaster.  The constant ups and downs; extreme highs and the lowest of lows. You alternate between exhilarated and devastated; passionate and detached.

How did you get on the damn roller coaster in the first place?

 

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The Premeditation Game

The Premeditation Game

I love word games.  How many words can you make from the letters found in the word “EXPECTATIONS”?  I’ll get you started with a few:  pectin, cape, exact, noise.   Here is one I bet you didn’t guess, “RESENTMENT”.  Is the saying true that, “expectations are premeditated resentment”?  I hadn’t heard this phrase before today so I decided it was time for a little research and then what I love to do best, tell you a story.

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Dancing with my Demon

Dancing with my Demon

What a &#$^%#$&* week this has been — lesson after lesson reinforcing that I have to accept what is out of my control.  I hate it.  I hate the way I feel.

Sadly, I am watching someone close to me self-destruct.  Despite multiple opportunities, much love and attention, this person is on a wild trajectory.  While I know his journey has nothing to do with me, there are days when I would gladly trade places just to give him a sense of peace and direction; some stillness in his crazy world.

Turning the focus inward, my biggest personal demon is the need for control.

Believing I am in control reduces the chances of being stupid or disappointed, right?

DUH, sadly it is just a big fat set up!!!  Control has many downsides.  Overly preparing for every scenario precludes spontaneity and natural learning not to mention FUN and deep feeling.  My control and probably yours too, is driven by fear.  I fear looking stupid.  I fear feeling disappointed. I fear getting hurt.  I fear being lied to.  I FEAR. Continue reading

Friendship Demystified…..

Friendship Demystified…..

It’s 4pm and I just discovered I have been wearing my shirt backwards all day!  I’m actually pleased.  I’ve turned it around and now the little dribble from lunch rests comfortably out of sight.  By the way, one time I purposely wore my pants backward for a better fit—you can only work with what you’ve got!

There is something about school starting in September that makes me reflect on friendship.  As a kid I was never part of the popular group but I felt blessed to have a core posse of pretty cool gals.  I tried to tell myself that smart was much cooler than popular but as a teenager, I think it is much easier to say than do!  Certainly we know that the QUALITY of a friend is far more important than the QUANTITY but let’s dive a bit deeper.  Here is my attempt to stratify gal pals types into five categories.  (Just a note about me:  I hate long lists.  No one wants to read more than five things.  Who can remember past number five anyway!) Continue reading