Emotional Exits. You know, as soon you start to get uncomfortable, you wiggle out of the discomfort or at least put those feelings on hold for later? You want to run. You might blame someone else because we all want to run away from the icky stuff. I have been super successful keeping myself overly busy because BUSY has always been my “drug of choice”. Busy is productive, right? Busy means I’m important and needed, right? [Read more…] about The Ugly and Uncomfortable: Emotional Exits
Knowing that your often put yourself last and
that this time of year is especially stressful,
As little as 90 seconds of slow breathing benefits you both physically and mentally so a 12 minute investment will deliver you to a place of heavenly bliss! Stay healthy and enjoy the holiday season!
From the heart,
Where did the year go? The days leading up to summer and the July 4th weekend moved at a snail’s pace and now it’s December 9th. Geez Louise!
While I welcome a cool, rainy winter, once the days lengthen my energy dramatically decreases. I wouldn’t say I fall into a funk but my need for reflective solitude and sleep significantly increases. It’s ironic that my desire for “quiet time” falls during one of the most socially demanding seasons of the year.
What strategy will keep you healthy, the ultimate priority, yet engaged with friends and family? The first step is setting your intention for what you feel is a healthy commitment level — think about what works well for you BEFORE the invitations arrive. [Read more…] about Crash & Burn or Jingle Ya Jangle? My Holiday Survival Tips
I never liked being called by name. Why? It meant I was in trouble or in the spotlight. Or just maybe I’d be asked a question I couldn’t answer. God forbid I’d make a mistake or sound stupid!
Plus my name is mispronounced more than it is said correctly. Here’s a tip; remember CARE-uh or Care Bear.
And deep in my brain I associate excess attention with possible danger. I don’t want to attract the wrong kind of people; the people who claim to love me but don’t.
I also love anonymity — silently observing my environment; collecting information from sights and sounds. Staying in the shadows equals control. Control and I are so damn compatible. [Read more…] about Breaking Open; Better not Bitter
I don’t think I can go more than four hours without stepping on broken glass. Of course this is a metaphor. It’s the best way to describe how I feel when the painful realization surfaces that my oldest son is homeless, mentally ill and addicted to heroin.
Yes, I can painfully attest to the fact that this old dog, ME, can learn a few new tricks! Tricks in the form of figuring out how to place a button to “sign up for my email list” on my Facebook page. Yeppers, only took me twenty seven trial and errors and about 5 hours. BUT I FIGURED IT OUT. I am damn proud of myself!
While I was tinkering around on Facebook, I thought I’d give my ABOUT ME section a little update. So here is goes, Girlfriends.
My Girlfriend Voice is the opposite of my inner critic. She’s supportive, inspirational and honestly, she’s my lifesaver! She is someone who knows exactly what my intentions are and how the past influences (biases) the present moment. She is the conduit to my intuition and inner-wisdom. My Girlfriend Voice empowers me to love who I am and to show up unapologetically as Cara, the “Too Much Woman”.
Yes, I hear quite a few voices in my head! My Girlfriend Voice competes for stage time with a crew of critical characters like Penny the Perfectionist, Nikky Never Good Enough, Hopeless Hannah and Bad Bitchy Bertha. Those ladies love to bark and moan– misery loves company, ya know? Funny thing though; those voices provide me with some pretty valuable insight into the blueprint of my being. I just wish they’d hush up sometimes — enough already!
I’ll be posting stories and strategies about how to tame and transform the inner critic while we “lean in” and listen to our inner mentor, My Girlfriend Voice. The mean girls likely won’t go away any time soon so there is no sense fighting with them or agreeing with them! I’ll help you learn to manage their harshness while unleashing your self-compassion and grounded confidence!
So here is a little info to help you see who I be; the zany wackadoo who not only listens to the voices in her head, but is willing to share her most private thoughts and stories with this community. Just keeping it real, y’all!
1. Best advice ever received? “You alone are responsible for your happiness”. No blame games. No martyrdom. Get to it!
2. Best advice I’ve ever given? No is a complete sentence AND focus on HOW you want to feel and align your actions accordingly.
3. I’m innately curious which is truly a blessing! Whenever I am stuck, I get curious. Whenever I am sad, I get curious. When I’m angry, I send a nasty text and then get curious. (Just kidding about the text part!)
4. Why don’t people RSVP? Ugh. Drives me nuts. Drives me almost as nuts as loud talkers and people who chew with their mouth open.
5. Fear has muscle memory. It’s one workout I don’t feel guilty giving up.
6. If I could go anywhere, I’d want to go with a Girlfriend. (We could have fun in a cardboard box!) Find your tribe; find your community! Connection is vital to our health and wellness.
7. Vulnerable is not weak. Humble is not small. However, stupid is stupid.
8. My previous “drug of choice” was being too busy. If I worked really hard, I felt productive. If I solved your problems, I was important. The more I did, the better I felt. What I was really doing was avoiding my thoughts and feelings; avoiding the pain in my personal life. It worked until it didn’t and I crashed into a clinical depression.
9. I am passionate about removing the stigmas associated with mental illness and substance use disorder. Remember, behind every “junky” is a human in crisis and behind him or her is a grieving Mother. Be kind, people. Addiction is a disease not a moral failing.
10. I will learn to accept what I cannot control. (Grrrrrr, the hardest one) I think this must be the lesson I was sent here to learn……and learn….and learn!
That’s it for me today. Go out and be kind in this crazy world.
From the heart,
Procrastination is a learned behavior. So why do we dance around our To-Do list?
Why do we pump up our anxiety while those tasks loom in front of our face? I think I know why…..but be sure to tell me if I miss anything! Here are 20 reasons why we procrastinate.
1. You don’t like the task so you delay.
2. It’s hard to ask for clarification or help.
3. You don’t function as well when you’re overwhelmed or tired.
4. Perfectionism keeps you from starting or finishing.
5. You do everything for everybody else except yourself.
6. Perceived lack of time or resources.
7. Fear of looking incompetent or stupid.
8. Difficulty prioritizing tasks.
9. You only respond to deadlines.
10. If you wait long enough someone else may take care of it.
11. The task is too large or too complicated.
12. It’s not my job.
13. You don’t care about the task.
14. You’re disorganized.
15. Fear of failure.
16. You are easily distracted.
17. Mental clutter!
18. Tedious tasks bore you!
19. Low self-confidence
20. You thrive on drama!
I know that I procrastinate when the task is boring or tedious. — There are so many other things I would rather do I no longer believe in “perfect” yet those tendencies have muscle memory and I delay finishing while I revamp and revise again and again. Ultimately I have a fear of humiliation and failing. I want to over-achieve, over-produce — I want to shine!
More importantly, I am softening into my KNOWING. My desire to be calm and comfortable drives my behavior and prioritizes my decisions. I crave peace over perfection. I strive to be impactful without the hustle and grind. (the whole work smart not hard thing) I prioritize my overall wellness, even if that means getting those damn expense reports done when I’d rather be playing!
Do you delay today what can be done tomorrow? If you identified with any of those 20 items then guess what? You too procrastinate! Join the club!
- Break the task into smaller pieces.
- Prioritize the icky stuff – get it out of the way.
- And finally, lean in and listen for your Girlfriend Voice. She’ll remind you that you’ve got this covered! #justdoit
From the heart,
Wow, it’s been a long journey from my first blog post in 2011. I have grown and slipped backwards, cried, laughed and had my heart broken. I’ve changed jobs, become an “empty-nester”, had my 50th and 55th birthdays and FINALLY finalized my divorce. The good the bad and the ugly; it’s all part of life, Girlfriends, yet not all of us chose to share those stories publicly, right?
I’ve slowly become more and more visible. You laugh? For those that know me, I am a big personality and it’s hard for me to be anything but visible. The visibility I am talking about is my personal life; my emotional honesty and my vulnerability. It’s easy to celebrate publicly and show you the good stuff but it’s so frick’in scary to struggle publicly. Like death and taxes, we all struggle, don’t we? We just don’t want to talk about it. It’s easier to keep up the perfect facade.
It’s kinda safe to hide behind words thrown out into the world wide web. It’s another thing to follow my own advice and be accountable publicly. I may look like a natural, however it’s daunting to host live video chats as my Miss Perfection voice sternly reminds me, “Don’t do anything stupid! The world is watching so don’t make even one mistake.”
It’s really scary to own my talents and someone who can zero in on the kernel of truth and distill valuable insights. I fight my critical voice, Miss Expert, as she grumbles, “Who do you think you are. You’re no expert! Why would anyone listen to you?”
It’s terrifying to tell you that I feel compelled to do more — to help women, especially Superwomen, who now feel less than, small, invisible, empty, unhappy and hopeless. I’ve been there. Ask me now I know? I’m both the student and the teacher! I’m living this journey right along with you.
I am so proud of my labor of love! It’s just like bringing home my firstborn from the hospital – I am over the moon excited yet scared to death that this baby is totally dependent upon me for survival. I have to feed it, help it grow and give it direction. The enhanced visibility and responsibility scares the crap out of me, yet I have no choice. This is my calling and to sound cliche, the risk is worth the reward.
My website, www.mygirlfriendvoice.com, will serve as the foundation and home for the My Girlfriend Voice community. I have more up my sleeve than blog posts so please “sign up” to stay in touch! There will be tools and events coming in the near future. I am taking one step at a time, quality over quantity! Come hang out with me, Girlfriend!
Under the tab “Work with Me”, you’ll find my new offer; a Girlfriend Chat. It’s an invitation for a virtual coffee date where over the course of the 30 minute conversation, we’ll identify the major critical voices playing in your head. And more importantly, we will identify your own Girlfriend Voice.
The big question is this…..will you come along with me? Will you be part of the My Girlfriend Voice community? You have everything to gain and only your critical voices to lose!
From the heart,