She’s Baaaaack!!

I’ve worked in sales for twenty years so I am used to rejection. I audition for voice over gigs almost daily. It is uber competitive. Again, I am used to rejection. I celebrate the process—I really do!

Now I am experiencing rejection in another dimension, my love life. It sucks big time.

First let me vent. If you use an on-line dating service and someone takes the time to write you an email, please respond EVEN IF it is to say no thank you. I can’t believe that these guys have hundreds of responses to wade through. Where are people’s manners? Thank you.  I feel better now.

I took the plunge and expressed interest in a man and after an incredible first date, we still haven’t connected for our second date.   There is a steady stream of texts assuring me of his interest.

“Maybe you are just not that appealing to him, you know or maybe he already has a girlfriend?” WTF? These are the words of an old voice, but a voice new to this blog. Let me introduce you to Nikki Not Good Enough. She is perfect in every way–it is me that is not good enough. I thought I left her behind at a previous address but she’s baaaaaaaack!

she's backYes. Nikki Not Good Enough is an old acquaintance. She’s quite familiar as we spent the first forty years of my life together. My Girlfriend Voice taught me a new strategy for dealing with her and for Perky Penny Perfectionist and all those other “biatches” that haunt my head. I talk back.

“Well, Nikki, at least I recognize my discomfort. That’s progress! Am I sulking and hopeless waiting on a man? Hell no!” I shake my fist triumphantly in the air!

“Now let’s look at Mr. Chemistry. He did say he would be available to date in March and it is only the 11th. I told him to call me when he was ready and available. If he doesn’t call then it is his loss. So Nikki, I am in perfect control of this situation. “

She says, “Well if he was really in to you he would make the time.”

Ouch. The thought had crossed my mind.

I calmly reply, “I am not going to read into anyone’s behavior but my own. This is what I control. This is what I own.”

I see a pattern here. The two men I had long term relationships with were dependent on my loving care and attention but they were incapable of reciprocating. Last fall I fell hard for someone who turned out was still in a long distance relationship.

It is really no surprise that I am triggered to feel less than good enough in the dating scene. I have been the giver and not the receiver. At fifty and fabulous, this is going to stop. If Mr. Chemistry does come a calling, I will trust MGV to guide me and by the way, Nikki– you can go now!  Bye bye.

From the heart,



13 thoughts on “She’s Baaaaack!!

  1. Yeah – that’s the tricky thing about dating. You can be ready, willing, and able but finding your counterpart can be like waiting for a bus that is overdue. You’re doing everything right – hang in there.


  2. Hello dear Cara,
    I believe that each man has different personality ,culture and character. I think he is interested in you otherwise he will not respond to you in anyway. He probably would like it slowly to get to know and might offend you if he comes in strong to you. I believe he respects you and has good intentions that is why he is moving slow. He is cautious and probably does not want to make a mistake .Give him time and be friends with him and also get to know him. Who knows he might be yours for a lifetime.
    It also seems like he is a busy person which is good! He is a man of responsbility. One thing too, you are a beautiful person inside and out. I am pretty sure he wants to do it right with you.
    I can’t wait to see you again and party!!!


    • Melita, You are a wise voice of reason! And you make me feel special–thanks for the compliment. I look forward to our upcoming Saturday night dance. Looking forward to flirting and fun with you and the gals. From the heart, CaraW


  3. I think Nikki hangs out in my head, too, so I understand that voice. However, she is the one who isn’t good enough – just keep going with the positive and humorous attitude and something will end up working out. I enjoy reading your posts!


  4. The situation is not unfamiliar to me. 1st there is over the top interest and 1000 emails followed by…hello!? where did you go!?
    I chalk it up to distractions at the speed of wireless…I like you, but let me date these other 3 first and then I’ll get back to you…wait here is another one that looks like fun!! and so on…It can’t be taken personal because the whole on line process is anything but personal!!

    In terms of responding to every email. I used to do that. Then I realized i could spend hours replying to the responses to my reply which ultimately ended with “so why aren’t you interested in me?” I began taking it as an unwritten rule now that if someone didn’t respond to me than there was something in my profile that didn’t match up with their must have list!! height, hair color, nationality, where I lived, too far, too close, not well traveled enough, not divorced long enough, my kids ages…Who knows!! But the rule became if you don’t get a response its just that I don’t think we were a match. Many women actually have this disclaimer on their profile.

    Good hunting and enjoy the process. It could be worse…you could be the one picking up the tab at the end of a “no connection” date! 😉



    • Jose, I love hearing your male perspective. I also loved this line, “(online dating) It can’t be taken personal because the whole on line process is anything but personal!!” You are right– so far I haven’t had to pay the bill! Stay in touch now. From the heart, CaraW


  5. Great blog. Dating in the 2000s is not for the faint at heart. I applaud you for getting out there. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I hope you see Mr Chemistry again, but if not, there will be others. It’s a numbers game. I know it is not easy but, tell Nikki and Penny to go to hell. Let your girlfriend voice be your guide.


  6. Look in all things in life, not just dating, I have observed… Women move at the speed of light, and men move in dog-years! You’ll probably hear from him in a few weeks, and by then, you’ll have met someone else you can call Mr. Chemistry.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s